I’m slightly freaking out.
My yoga teacher training is just around the corner, and I am not ready!
I want to be able to handstand for a minute.
I want to able to do the splits every single day.
I want to be able to jump back into chaturanga!
I want to have it all figured out.
But I don’t. Hence, I’m freaking out. And not just about the teacher training, but also about the packing (what the hell should I bring?), traveling to Asia for the first time, completely on my own, and everything else that I can possibly freak out about.
It’s too close! I decided around 11 months ago that I would be ready by now. I saw myself training as a crazy person, getting super strong, and saw this time with anticipation. The past couple months I’ve been working too much to practice regularly, leading into a lack of patience for improvement, and therefore a lack of inspiration. I’ve been in denial that I’m ever going to be a yoga teacher. But it is actually happening! I’m going! I’ve done most of the preparation and I am ready. That is, what you are supposed to prepare before traveling. But mentally, not so much. And physically? Not really.
I will be okay.
And as I’m freaking out I need to carefully talk to myself with a smooth voice. I will be okay. I’m writing this post now so when I’m home right before Christmas I can read it and laugh at how silly I was. How everything turned out all right. Because I know it will. But I also know that this is all outside of my comfort zone, meaning that I will be learning a bunch of new stuff the next couple of months.
It’s called yoga teacher training.
I don´t need to be able to do everything when I show up there. I’m not supposed to be perfect. It´s called Yoga teacher TRAINING – like, I’m supposed to learn there. I’m not supposed to be perfect and ready to teach when I show up there on my day one. Of course I could have done more, but working was also an important step of the progress, so I could actually afford going there. I cannot change this, and I´m not sure I would. These months of working to much also gave me wisdom – and money 😉
So I will take a few breaths. I will acknowledge that I’ve done the best I could. I will reassure myself that there are still three weeks until the actual training will start. That I still have time. But also, that my practice until then will be exactly like it is supposed to be. I should be enjoying the journey. Handstanding for a minute is not something I need to be a good yoga teacher. I know that. But also that the process of learning to hold a handstand for a minute will be magical.
I will be grateful. I’m making my dream come true. I will come back home as a new person. And I will thank this article that I just wrote for calming me down 🙂
And to end this post, I will share this handstand picture of me – my best one yet! Where I was so surprised for all the seconds I could hold it that I ended up falling down. Because this one I’m very proud of! Because the truth is that it´s easy to forget where you came from, and I’ve come a long way this year.
So, over to you! Have you had similar experience with yoga or your teacher training? What helped you in that case?