I remember those days when I wished to be more mindful. I imagined that life would get better then. I started eating very mindfully, practicing yoga mindfully, living mindfully. And yes – my wishes came true! I’m mindful, every single day, if you exclude watching Netflix (where my mindfulness moves into the life of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt or Sherlock Holmes).
Anyway, I’m mindful. And truth be told, I’m not sure life is much better this way, because it takes absolutely all the drama away. Sometimes, I just need to be a drama queen. So it goes a bit like this…
The drama queen starts by being dramatic, usually about something concerning yoga or my lifestyle, by saying stuff like: “My Chaturanga isn’t getting any better – this is worthless! I won’t get any better even though I’m always practicing and doing everything correct. I might as well just quit Vinyasa and change to Bikram!”
Then the mindful b**** steps in (yes, I tend to not like her that much when I’m desperately trying to be dramatic…) and says something like this: “Well, sweetie, if you don’t really practice you won’t get much progress. You know that you need to practice outside of class as well if you want to get results. You should know better”.
Yes, she is right (of course), which destroys all the drama. I’ve also tried being dramatic about my sleep.
Since I was a child it has always taken me a long time to fall asleep, and being dramatic about it was my response (even though it was far from being the solution). Miss Mindfulness steps up her game again and says calmly: “Of course you won’t fall asleep easily if you do not put any effort into it. You shouldn’t be scrolling down Instagram in bed since the bright screen wakes you up, and you also know that reading a book or listening to music will help you fall asleep quicker.”
This is what she does, this lovely, mindful lady. This big know-it-all that is simply there to stop the drama and make me make my life better. Alright, I guess she is not as annoying as I make her to be. But the thing is that now I can’t complain, I can’t be dramatic, I can’t make problems out of nothing, and I can’t be frustrated about things I know I can change. I always know better. I know what I’m supposed to do to change things I’m not happy with – to make things better, to grow my practice. But of course, change is difficult in the sense that I actually need to make an effort to make it happen (and my mind is always putting me forward).
The fact is more mindfulness has also given me more stable happiness, and I will always be grateful for that. My whole thinking has changed; yoga has changed me in a way that I never expected. It isn’t always nice or easy, but it makes me a better person. One day I will make peace with my mindfulness, but for now let me try to be a bit dramatic a little bit longer…
How about you? Have you experienced yoga or mindfulness changing you in this way? How has yoga affected your thinking?