Kjerstin’s Top Wardrobe Malfunctions
Wardrobe malfunctions must happen to everyone, but in places like yoga classes, it can feel like you’re the ONLY one who is frustrated with their clothing articles.
I can’t even begin to fathom how many times I’ve had to stop in the middle of a class and adjust my entire outfit because it is suddenly all wrong.
Here is my list of the best (worst?) wardrobe malfunctions in yoga and in other athletic activities that I’ve experienced as a lady.
Wow, those ARE high-waisted
One day, I bought these awesome high-waisted black yoga pants. They had those super fun mesh cutouts, so you could see some skin, but they were functional. I was stoked to wear them to class, because practicing in new garb is always fun. But when I arrived, I realized that I was having a hard time getting them to sit on my hips comfortably. To which point, I realized my yoga pants could go much higher up on my body than my belly button, and honestly, went so high, they could have replaced my sports bra. These are now, my least favorite pants. Practicing in them causes much irritation, as they are constantly folding, and moving and sliding all over my stomach. Beware of the too-high-waisted pants, they will make you seethe.
What is this supposed to cover?
Have you ever purchased a sports bra and thought, “Oh, it’s so cute. Look at all of those intertwining straps and patterns it makes on your back!” If not, you’re much smarter than I am. If you have, good, then I’m not alone! On many occasions I have found myself putting these items into my shopping cart online and bringing them to the register in stores. But, every time I go to class, confident and excited about my new purchase, I find that the width of this sports bra, is significantly too small. Instead of the top being the right size in front, all of the fabric intended for the bra is obviously used for the spider web pattern on the back. Never in my life have I worn one of these tops and felt modest. Again, please try these tops on before purchasing, because some of us have anatomy that doesn’t allow for such adorably intricate items.
Less sleeves please
I’m telling you now people, please don’t wear t-shirts to a hot yoga class. Just don’t. You’ll think it’s a good idea, but half way through your flow, you’ll realize that the cotton is now 5 pounds heavier, it’s starting to droop and get in the way of your sight, especially in downdog. And your arms will get infinitely more tired as you move. Also, if you wear a t-shirt to class, you’ll have to maneuver your way out of this sweaty pile of damp cotton when you go to shower, and it’s close to impossible.
You’ve seen too much!
Arguably the worst wardrobe blunder is when you wear something that is light in color on the bottom on your body. Or something that is entirely too sheer. We all know what this is about, and it’s one of the most embarrassing situations. You’ll go do a whole class, get home and realize that your pants are completely see-through. Then you’ll desperately try to remember who was sitting behind you in class, so you know who to avoid in the future!
Clothing issues happen, and remember that it happens to everyone! No shame in the yoga (or any other workout) game. Just keep doing you, girl!
Chuck’s Top Wardrobe Malfunctions
Chuck Vadun is a beginner-level yogi. He has somewhat more experience as a husband, dad, professional writer, and amateur drummer. He lives in north coastal San Diego county, where yoga pants are issued to children at birth. He wrote this section of the article to give us another perspective on wardrobe malfunctions as a dude who does yoga!
Most women think, when it comes to clothing, “Men have it so easy!” And it’s true – even (especially?) when it comes to yoga wear. Generally, yoga dudes like myself can show up at the studio in some variation of t-shirt-and-athletic-shorts and be just fine. But in my nearly two years of practicing yoga, I’ve encountered a few wardrobe malfunctions of my own …
Cargo is a no-go.
As a dad, it’s my universe-given right to wear cargo shorts anytime, anywhere. One time though, I was headed out the door with my yoga mat while wearing one of my 37 pairs of khaki cargo shorts from Old Navy. My wife stopped me with a variation of the classic rhetorical question, “You’re wearing THAT?”
I said, “Yeah, why not? Shorts are shorts.” How wrong I was; she explained to me how thick, bulky cotton shorts with lots of extra material for all those useful pockets would be extremely uncomfortable. “You’re gonna be too hot [temperature-wise], and they’re gonna bunch up in places you don’t want them to.” I did go ahead and change, but verified a few days later in my home practice that she was right, and that cargo shorts are NOT the way to go.
Save the band t-shirt for concerts.
Like many other guys I know, I have a vast t-shirt collection, so as a beginning yogi, I’d show up in a t-shirt emblazoned with a band name, sports team logo, vacation destination, etc. The thing is, as Kjerstin notes above, a 100% cotton t-shirt is going to add what feels like several pounds to your weight once you start sweating. Even in a non-heated class, I found out that my tees quickly loaded up with sweat, limiting my mobility, stretching out of shape, and generally looking awful.
Skipping the shirt altogether.
OK, yeah, I know that many (most?) yoga dudes like to go shirtless in class, and that’s fine. But as a 50-something guy, I save going shirtless for the beach and the hot tub. Now, if were younger and cooler like a lot of my yoga-bro pals, I’d probably want to show off my ripped pecs and dope tribal tats. Maybe I’ll reconsider if I get a midlife-crisis nipple piercing that I just have to display to strangers, but until then, I’m taking the modest approach.
So what’s a yoga dude to do?
Well, while we don’t have quite the variety of apparel options that the ladies do with their myriad bra and pants choices, there are yoga clothes for men out there: t-shirts that wick away moisture, and shorts that allow full range of motion while keeping everything where it belongs. Lulu has men’s stuff that I like; prAna and Vuori also make stuff that works great in the studio and looks good just walking around. My other hot tip is a headband of some sort to keep the sweat from pouring into your eyes.
Your studio may even have some men’s stuff for sale among all the ladies’ “Nama-stay in bed til brunch” tank tops.
And if you ever get in a pinch, just grab your swimsuit or some basketball shorts and your Nike Dri-Fit t-shirt you wear to the gym. Remember, we’re guys … choosing clothes for yoga (or whatever) is supposed to be easy!
Have you experienced any of these, or any other wardrobe malfunctions? Share with us in the comments (we won’t judge)!