The only thing worse than not being spiritual is only being spiritual. So I’d like to shower you with the blessing of 7 ways you can be more Ultra Spiritual.
1. Use Essential Oils
In accordance with ancient spiritual traditions, the more you aggressively smell like an overpowering flower, the more spiritual you are. As an added perk, you can use essential oils to treat common ailments instead of using remedies that work.
2. End Emails with “In Love and Light”
Instead of communicating with people like they’re an intelligent human being, you can communicate with them in abstract spiritual terms that convey no usable information. Additionally, the receiver of your emails will be eternally grateful for all of the love and light that suddenly floods into their day because of your email signature.
3. Claim to be a Powerful Goddess
Proudly and boldly telling everyone around you that you’re a Goddess is you honoring your birthright of spiritual strength and connection to the sacred feminine. It’s only the most powerful people that are needy enough to have to tell everyone how powerful they are.
4. Have Only Like-Minded Friends
A hallmark of spirituality is being so unconditionally accepting that you’re only willing to unconditionally accept people who think and act just like you do.
5. Step into Your Power
When you get childishly angry and yell at your partner, instead of mistakenly apologizing to them later, be sure to let them know that you were stepping into your power. This power justification technique equals a spiritual step forward rather than an immature slide backward. As an added bonus, the passive-aggressiveness of it also serves as a delightful follow up to your aggressiveness, which further helps put your partner in their place.
6. Interpret Rumi Poetry for Other People
When pretending that you comprehend Rumi’s poetry with other people who also don’t understand it, you’ll be seen as the deeply spiritual one when you generically prophesize that any line of his means “we’re all one.” Never being wrong is the best way to win at the Rumi poetry game.
7. Use Astrology
The sacred art of astrology has nothing to do with understanding yourself at a deeper level and everything to do with having an excuse made out of cosmic consciousness to justify your personality flaws, instead of working on them. You’re not overly sensitive and insecure, you’re a Pisces.