Why You Shouldn’t Feel Guilty for Wanting More
What is desire? It’s more than a feeling, more than simply wanting. Desire goes deeper. It’s felt in every muscle, bone, and cell of your body. It’s felt in the mind, body, and soul. It lives simultaneously in the heart and the belly. It grows from the core of our being. It’s not who we are, rather what we value. Desire is pure, raw, unadulterated energy. Desire is powerful.
If there’s one thing desire is not, it’s selfish or evil. We’re allowed to want things. Simply because we are living we can desire things and people and places. And, better yet, you don’t need permission to desire. There’s no need to question whether or not your desire is worthy of being desired and receiving your attention. Simply because it exists, it is worthy.
So, let’s cut the crap.
Where do we get off thinking that we can’t have what we want? What grump didn’t get what he wanted and decided that for all humanity after that it would be decidedly selfish and unfair to desire? That’s the true root of unfairness in our relationship to desire – the guilt and shame around simply wanting something in life. Desire is a natural human emotion. Simply because you are alive and breathing, you are allowed to desire. Whether or not you feel guilty about it is entirely up to you. Either way, you will continue to desire. The choice is yours.
I invite you to stop wallowing in guilt for wanting what you want. Own it. Want it with your whole, entire heart. It’s natural for guilt to pay you a visit on the road to your dreams, visit with it for a bit, welcome it like you would anyone else, then put your foot down and tell it to keep on movin’ before it overstays its welcome. Don’t banish guilt. Sit with it. Experience it for a moment. Then, close that door. Move beyond the guilt to open the door to your desires, the door to your dreams.
Desire is a powerful, transformative emotion. It points to what we most value in life. When you want something with every ounce of energy in your being, that energy, that wanting is pointing you towards what is of supreme importance to you. Do you desire to leave your desk-bound, 9-5 job with your demanding boss? Perhaps that’s because freedom, spontaneity, space, and compassion are of supreme importance to you. Do you desire to find a partner to share your life with, with whom to have children, and weekends filled with gardening and games in the backyard? Perhaps that’s because family, connection, simplicity, and ease are of supreme importance to you. Whatever it is give yourself permission to desire it. Listen to your desires. They are trying to show you what is truly important to you.
Desire can shift too. Past, present, future – your desires will change. All that you wanted at 25 may be vastly different than all that you desire at 45. Our lifestyles, our aspirations, and our desires can change over time. The person you are today is surely much different than the person you were ten years ago. That’s okay. In fact, that’s great. You’ve grown. You’ve matured. You’ve learned a lot of shit about life and about who you are as a person. If we’re allowed to change and shift, we have to make space for our desires to change and shift as well. Once we have given ourselves permission to desire, we have to also give our desires permission to shift and change as needed.
Desire is a powerful, natural force. Embrace it. Embrace your innate human ability to desire whatever the hell you want. Dream big. Live loud. Get shit done.