I absolutely love planning. Seriously, buying a brand new, fresh, clean bullet journal gives me a mini orgasm complete with roller coaster bursts of pleasure every time I try out a new layout from Pinterest (too much?).

I plan every single facet of my life: activities with friends, classes, writing deadlines, outfits, meals, morning/evening routines, and hourly schedules for every day of the week. Believe me, my husband was not aware of all this until after we got married (he still hasn’t seen the giant planner I used for our wedding.)

Apparently, as Dr. Perpetua Neo told Vox, it’s about control. She explained, “It’s easy to dismiss millennials for being different than their parents’ generation, but in reality, life has changed a lot. This generation has seen a lack of economic as well as political stability with things like 9/11, and when there’s a lack of stability, we have anxiety. Anxiety is all about that lack of control.”

I’ve recently been thinking about the year I spent traveling. I had no job, no money, no “plans,” no clue, and sometimes I couldn’t even find my underwear. Yet, I still consider it the absolute best year of my life. How can I possibly consider “the best year of my life” to be same one in which I had no idea what I was doing in the next 2 hours let alone in the next 2 years?

I had been in an abusive relationship for five long years, and he was extremely controlling. When I finally got out of that situation and began traveling Europe immediately after, all I wanted was to be happy again and see where life would take me. I didn’t have someone controlling everything I did, and I didn’t feel the need to impose that kind of control over myself.

When life is getting a little too busy and overly “planned” I remind myself of that girl who just wanted to hop a train in Eastern Europe and see where it would take her. True happiness comes from sometimes relinquishing “control” and letting life take you where it wants.

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