A Lesson on Loss
Recently I found myself in a predicament that was strikingly similar to something that happened nearly five years ago — I experienced a loss. To make a long story short, I was spending time with someone who was my friend. Then this person flat out stopped all communication, and I had to find out through social media about what they were up to.
I’m human, so I lamented for a bit. Feelings of insecurity, internal turmoil, and self-blame all started to creep back up. All.of.it. While out on a run, I was taken back to how I handled this in the past: mostly behind closed doors, on the floor with 40s wishing I would just get alcohol poisoning already, attending gatherings just for the sake of drinking, and eating during all hours. Thankfully, I never got to the point that I needed serious intervention.
I’ve heard people say that you need to experience this type of thing at least once. I’m not sure if I agree. I do know that I’m thankful because even though this experience challenged my mental and emotional health again, I have healthier ways of confronting my feelings and my weakest link in my transformation continues to reveal itself.
Not Everything that Leaves is a Loss
I also learned this time that not everything or everyone who leaves your life is a loss. In fact, it’s probably a blessing when people leave, so things from the past don’t repeat. After all, we can’t lose what we never had.
Human interaction is two-way, so remember that whatever happens is not just a reflection of you, but it’s also absolutely a reflection of them. So if people want to leave your life without giving you the respect of communicating first, let them, and let consequences handle them. You might not ever get closure, explanation, or the apology that you absolutely deserve, but when the sheep’s clothing falls off and their truth (or frontin’) is revealed, this gives room for better things and people to fill up your life.
You’re allowed to feel all sorts of things. But I learned it’s not good to barricade your heart from those who genuinely care, make time and effort for you, and cheer you on your achievements and endeavors. Let love in, and let it continue to flow.
Over to you, yogis? How have you learned to handle loss in your life? Tell us below!
Amanda SidesJanuary 22, 2017 at 9:12 am
I think the best we can do is to live fully in each moment, and then there’s nothing to regret… Losses are hardest when we’re thinking, “But we never did this!” and “I was waiting for the right time to say this!” Do it now, say it now, and when the loss occurs…we can smile and move on. I did this successfully the first time quite by accident. I was in a relationship that was so much fun, and we lived in different towns, so I didn’t get to see him all the time. Therefore, when I did see him, we really focused on enjoying every minute. It was a short relationship, just six months, but when it ended I realized I hadn’t wasted a moment with him, that I had enjoyed every bit of that relationship. When I could see that, the pain eased up a lot. Ever since (and it’s been nearly a decade), I’ve let that be a reminder to me to stay present, enjoy, and love. 🙂