I wish I could take my own advice.

A few years ago I dropped two jean sizes. At the time, I was ecstatic. I felt great. I looked great. Yet, I was running like a crazy person and not eating anything I found enjoyable. Of course, as the years passed, relationships ended, jobs changed, houses moved, and age increased… and the two jean sizes found their way back into my life.

At first, I was really frustrated. I refused to buy pants in that size and shopped around until I could buy the size I wanted to say I wore. It was petty and annoying. It also meant I cycled through the same pairs of pants each month. I sent back pants after pants when I ordered online. Even the size that was “two sizes too big” in some styles felt tight. Then, a few months ago, I accidentally ordered the size I didn’t want to admit that I wore, and that a few months ago, had felt a little snug. They fit like a glove. This was enlightening for me.

Why do some pant sizes fit at some times and not others? Why are sizes dependent on style and company? More importantly, why does it matter? Who cares if my jeans are two sizes bigger than they used to be? I’m also a hell of a lot physically and mentally stronger; I’m in a happy and stable relationship; my friends consider me “the athletic one”; and I simply just don’t need a number, whether single or double digits, to tell me what I’m worth.

Stop caring about your jean size.

It doesn’t define you. From month-to-month and year-to-year your body will change. You will experience highs and lows. Be grateful. Be grateful for the age, the experience, the stretch marks, the pulled muscles, the proof that your life is being lived.

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