A few years ago, I lost a lot of weight due to some emotional trauma. To put it bluntly, it was a bad break up.
I didn´t realize this until after the fact, but after the break up I seem to have stopped eating properly. During the next six months, I lost about 10 kilos (1 kilo= ~2.2 lbs).
I became the thinnest I had ever been; consequently, the unhappiest I had ever been.
Even though it didn´t look like that on the outside, I felt horrible that summer.
The strange thing was that it wasn´t until I recovered my happiness that I realized how bad I had felt.
This summer also marks the time I started turning things around. I did some experiments with my diet and jumped head first into my yoga practice.
You might look at this picture and see strength and beauty. What I see however is a weak and emotional mess. This picture shows the millisecond that I could hold this pose, as I barely had the strength for it. It shows a lack of muscles, and a badly nourished body.
Or at least, that is how I felt right there and then.
Because even though I was the thinnest I had ever been, I didn´t love my body.
In the autumn that same year, I went abroad for my own little adventure. I ate pasta, pizza and ice cream. I barely did yoga. I made some wonderful friends. And we danced through the night and ate even more food on the way home from the club.
Instead of judging food as good or bad for me, I made an intention to enjoy eating. To love food and to pay attention to how it made me feel.
During that time, I gained 20 kilos! 10 of those I definitely needed back. The other 10 were just for good measure. Just to have more to shake when I went dancing.
And by the end of that year, my body looked different. Most importantly, I LOVED it!
I had gained a lot of weight (for me, at least). I had eaten so much of delicious food. I had danced and biked and done plenty of yoga. I had enjoyed a wonderful semester with wonderful friends.
What I realized, was that if I could love my body with all this extra weight, I would always love it.
Or, moreover, I realized that I had to learn to love my body like it was, there and then. Because only by loving it always, would we be able to be on the same team.
Since then, this extra weight has been falling off slowly. Without me needing it to go, or expecting it evacuate from my body at any specified time. With a healthy diet and exercise, I have realized that my body also starts to look healthy.
With me accepting it, like it is, I give it room to grow and adjust.
Because I know now, I will love it, no matter what.
Because ultimately, it is all about how we feel in our bodies.
I know now that I can both have a thin body, that I feel bad in, and a slightly chubbier body, that I absolutely love.
It has brought me to a place of love and appreciation for my own body.
To loving me, just the way I am.
Our bodies are strong and capable. Only with love and appreciation will they be able to blossom like they were meant to!