How to Gain Balance by Losing Balance
Yesterday was an average day: I woke up to go at work where some interesting news popped out and did lot of e-mailing.
I came home at around 6:00 pm in the afternoon by car and I promised myself to go to the gym. Eventually I didn’t make it because the gym was closing to be reopened from 10:00 pm to 2:00 am.
The reason of such unusual schedule for a fitness club is that the Middle East is literally in the MIDDLE of the Ramadan Kareem, which is a holy month very special for all the religious Muslim people here.
In fact, during this time people fast every day for 30 days. Well, not for the whole time but they do fast during the sunny hours while they are allowed to drink and eat whatever they want from sunset (or magreb as it called in Arabic) until the sunrise.
Returning to my routine, I eventually skipped the work-out and didn’t even do yoga because of a shoulder injury. The last month has been tough as I was diagnosed with a functional cyst in my right ovary that causes me pain and fatigue and literally turned my metabolism upside-down. I was told by all the doctors not to do any running or heavy sports, so I prioritized a gentle yoga practice instead. This small accident stressed me a lot because it took me away from a new balanced routine I struggled to create after one year of traveling and settling down; changes and relative adjustments, instability and new routines, studies and work etc.etc.
Last evening I was feeling tiredness, and after dinner my stomach was a bit upset. As I wrote above, due to the problem I faced with my ovary and all the medications I took in the past month (while keeping some of them still now), my whole body felt like it was collapsing.
At the beginning of the healing process, I felt a boost in energy and confidence and I was ready to get my fast-paced routine back. Then the fatigue show up, and last night I fell out of my routine once more. I felt like all the good intentions I was building were fading away: I felt inadequate and unsuccessful.
I started thinking about the place where I am now living, the changes that inevitably I had to make to live with the person I love, to live in a country with a culture quite different from the one I’m used to in Europe. I felt stuck in a place where, sometimes, everything moves too slowly for my ambitions and where, sometimes, it’s difficult to find balance.
I questioned my ability to stick to my routine. I ignored my enthusiasm and motivation that spontaneously arise when I really want to be good at something. I tried to breath gently and calm down until I fell asleep to wake up in the morning. The next day I didn’t even make espresso! I just went straight to work, where I felt the urge to write down how I felt. And so I decided to take a break from my work papers and write something for me. While I am writing, I feel vibrant, and word by word, I am getting my positivity back. Today I just want to write to myself that I am glad and grateful to inhabit my body and to get tired sometimes. I am happy to be resourceful and more needy sometimes, and what’s more important is the lesson that my body and my mind, quite often, remind me: to be patient with myself, to accept my vulnerabilities and to create a tiny space for tolerance and contentment even in the awkward moments.
We all forget that “To lose balance sometimes is part of living a balanced life.”
This quotation from the best novel of Elizabeth Gilbert ”Eat, Pray, Love” it’s the mantra I use to repeat outside my yoga mat; a sort of reminder that no matter how much we want to be perfect, we are still fallible creatures. That’s doesn’t mean we fail all the time but that we are beautifully humans 😉
And you, Bad Yogis, how do you usually cope with your fallible moments in everyday life?