Popular Yoga Practice

Enough Faking It

SIX HUNDRED PEOPLE.  Mats and yoga pants in every color and pattern imaginable. Handstands. Inversions. Perfect, shiny hair.

Where am I?

My gal pal Lisa came down from Ann Arbor for a yoga event and I thought, “Sure, I’ll go.” The price was a little steep but a Sunday afternoon of yoga with a good friend I hadn’t seen since the summer sounded like a great plan to me.

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For the record, Lisa is a total yoga pro (she would deny this). She has excellent balance and the perfect body that wears yoga pants and tanks with ease. Meanwhile, I’m sitting there tugging up my pants to ensure my muffin top doesn’t pop out and that my loose shirt hides my rolls. I get tired in downward dog and can’t plank for more than 30 seconds without crumbling to my knees.

So I’m thinking about all the reasons why I shouldn’t be here. I feel like a total fraud. They will totally find out I’m not a yogi. My imperfect hair will give it away.

Class begins and the teacher comes out and everyone cheers. I can tell this chick is into mystic stuff, and I’m pretty sure I could not roll my eyes any further into the back of my head. I am so not yogi enough for this.

But as we lie down in corpse to warm up to our practice, a wave of emotion hits me. I’m crying because she’s talking about acceptance, loving your body, and appreciating what you’ve got/where you are. I’m constantly trying to lose 5-10 lbs, always feeling a little too cumbersome for my person. Even on my wedding day I didn’t feel the best beautiful (you could totally see the line of my Spanx cutting across my tummy–hello, photog, where’s the photoshop?).

But in that moment where I couldn’t feel more imperfect, I felt acceptance. I was encouraged in my body and in my limited practice. I wasn’t shamed for who I was or what I looked like or how sloppy my half moon pose was. The instructor kept reminding the group, “You are enough.” and every time she said it my eyes welled with tears because, duh, I am.

Doing yoga every day doesn’t make you perfect. Neither does having a closet full of Lululemon yoga pants. Or having perfect, shiny hair (the hair again, I know, but it was like I was in a Pantene commercial, folks). No one is perfect. But you can chose to be enough.

Pretty enough. Strong enough. Smart enough. Balanced enough.

“Enough” was a mindset that seemed elusive but suddenly made clear.

Now don’t get me wrong, I still feel like a bit of a yoga fraud, but I’m trying to own my practice more. So what if I can’t transition into Upward Dog without going to my knees first? I’ll get stronger, and maybe one day I’ll be able to vinyasa like a pro. But for now, my ability is enough. I am enough. I don’t have to fake it any more.

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20 Comments

  1. Avatar

    Lisa Rogers

    January 24, 2016 at 4:17 pm

    You are beautiful and you are enough, my friend. Thank you for sharing your story with the world and for always being willing to join me on my crazy yoga adventures!

  2. Avatar

    Jennifer

    January 25, 2016 at 4:50 am

    This spoke to me. I welled up. Even the wedding day comment I could relate to. I’m now a mom of a two year old and am struggling to accept my new body. I know it will never be the same again. But it’s enough. It grew my son and kept him safe. It fed him. And now it gives him comfort. Thank you for this.

    1. Kat Fraser

      Kat Fraser

      January 26, 2016 at 5:04 pm

      Jennifer, thanks for sharing! You are enough for you AND your kiddo. How cool is that?!

  3. Alexis Jenkins

    Alexis Jenkins

    January 26, 2016 at 12:12 am

    Loved this! Thank you for your story and insight! We are all enough! As long as you’re trying, you are enough!

  4. Avatar

    Whitney

    January 26, 2016 at 12:24 am

    I can totally relate! Sometimes it’s hard not to feel envious of those people in class who pop out a crazy transition or do a pose variation you only see on Instagram. Good for them, but good for us too. We’re there for our own journey, making our own progress. We really are enough. Thank you for sharing!

    1. Kat Fraser

      Kat Fraser

      January 26, 2016 at 5:05 pm

      Whitney, YES! The green monster can certainly come out! When we tell ourselves we’re enough, jealousy has so much less power!

  5. Avatar

    Tegan

    January 26, 2016 at 7:46 pm

    Kat Thank You so so much for this! I needed this in my life right now, this spoke to me so much!

  6. Avatar

    Erin Motz

    January 26, 2016 at 8:35 pm

    This is beautiful, Kat. Loved it!

    1. Kat Fraser

      Kat Fraser

      February 8, 2016 at 5:45 pm

      Thanks Erin, for opening up your space for bad yogis everywhere to contribute their thoughts, hopes, and experiences!

  7. Avatar

    Emma

    January 27, 2016 at 1:35 pm

    Thanks so much for this Kat! I remember the first day of yoga teacher training, being absolutely terrified that I wouldn’t be good enough and everyone would judge me and I wouldn’t fit in… so silly! If there’s one place where you shouldn’t feel judged it’s in a room full of yogis! We forget these lessons though, and your article is a beautiful reminder, I feel so much stronger for reading it x

    1. Kat Fraser

      Kat Fraser

      February 8, 2016 at 5:46 pm

      Emma, thanks for your response! I’m interested in yoga teacher training and you’ve given me more courage to look into it. Thanks!

  8. Avatar

    Jessica

    February 8, 2016 at 1:33 pm

    This was a much needed read for me! I always find myself comparing and constantly try to remind myself I am enough! Thanks for this reminder Kat!

  9. Avatar

    Dinara Salem

    February 18, 2016 at 10:04 pm

    This was so inspiring and empowering. Recovering from surgery I am giving yoga a try and sometimes (almost always) lose my balance haha. I can feel being judged but don’t let that bother me.

    1. Kat Fraser

      Kat Fraser

      April 13, 2016 at 6:12 pm

      Dinara, thanks for reading my post (and Lisa’s!). You are totally enough and as balanced as needed 🙂

  10. Grateful for Every Day | Bad Yogi Blog

    February 27, 2016 at 7:01 am

    […] My beautiful friend, Kat, who introduced me to Bad Yogi and inspired me with her own post, […]

  11. Avatar

    Marion

    March 27, 2016 at 6:28 am

    Thank you, I almost cried reading your story and now I have a beautiful smile on my I’m good enough face !!

  12. Kat Fraser

    Kat Fraser

    April 13, 2016 at 6:13 pm

    Marion, thanks for reading! I’m glad this could give a little light in your day. You are more than enough!

  13. Avatar

    Sarto

    May 3, 2016 at 7:46 am

    Thank you for this post. I have no idea why, but I am full of tears…
    Getting to the core only brings happiness to the heart:.
    🙂

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