All You Need Is: This Bad Yogi Love Advice
What’s love got to do with it? At this time of year, it seems like everything is focused on getting everyone coupled up and out on expensive dates with jewelry and chocolates and stuffed teddy bears for gifts. OK, we’ll take the chocolate, but the rest of it leaves a lot of us feeling a bit lovesick.
In honor of the greeting card machine that is Valentine’s Day, our contributors (of all relationship statuses and styles) are sharing their favorite love/dating/relationship advice. Some is borrowed and some is new, all of it is great. Check it out and let us know your best advice in the comments!
I’m in a long-term loving relationship now, but I spent several years as a single lady, and those were very important years. They taught me independence, resourcefulness, and that I don’t need anyone to complete me. Plus, it was fun! I did what I wanted, I didn’t have to compromise for anyone. Time “alone” taught me that I’m never really alone, and now I’m a much better person in my relationship because of it.
February is often called the love month thanks to Valentines Day. This is the day when folks shop around for the one or sometimes multiple items that will express the love they have for each other. Often times this can be a bit stressful. As your shopping around for the perfect gift you may wonder.. Is this gift will be good enough? Did I spend enough money? So lets turn this around. Instead of looking for a gift the will make someone else feel loved how about getting a gift for yourself. If you’re a lover of flowers, head on over to the florist and wrap your fingers around the first bouquet of flowers that brings a smile to your face. Flowers not your thing, well schedule a well deserved massage. Can you remember that last time you had a massage? Any wine lovers in the house…well you know what to do. Go get that favorite bottle of red or white wine and enjoy a glass or tow for the evening. I love sending out cards. This Valentines Day I plan on heading to Ellen’s Hallmark store to snag a nice card that speaks to the love that I have for myself. I’ll write a loving message to myself, sign it and seal it by using one of the trademark Hallmark gold seal stickers. I love those stickers! I think you can guess what’s coming next. That’s right! Off to the postoffice I go to slide the self address bight red envelope in the outgoing mailbox. It truly is a wonderful feeling to open up your mailbox and find a card sent to you from yourself. I’ll sit comfortably on my couch to read the card while sipping on a nice glass of red wine. My point here is to remember to love yourself while you’re out showing love to others.
As someone in a committed long-distance open relationship, my advice is to not let a need to be conventional take over your life. So many movies and television shows paint the perfect picture of what it is to be dating. You’re supposed to go to the movies together, sit in a park and stare lovingly at each other for hours and lets not forget: finish each other’s sentences. Yeahhh… It’s almost more fun to be abnormal, to share weird moments with your significant other and laugh at what obnoxious things you’re getting up to today. Why would you want to be normal when you could be yourself instead?
It’s weird to think that I used to need the satisfaction of labelling myself and my relationships, to need to know exactly what “thing” I had entered. Now I’m just enjoying the sensation of feeling loved. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in figuring out what bracket you fit into, that you forget to just be happy. Not worrying about what conventional relationship things I’m going to get up to this Valentine’s Day makes this one perhaps my favourite of them all.
The best relationship advice I have ever received is to be my own person outside of whatever relationship I am in. This advice is all-encompassing in that it relates not only to my own interests and hobbies, but also to the idea that I can stand on my own two feet regardless of my relationship status. Because of this advice, I was able to come out of a relationship that I thought would be a “forever” relationship still standing, still my own person, and still able to take care of myself. I think far too often people get so wrapped up in their identity as it relates to a relationship that they forget they are their own individual person first and foremost. Pursue your own interests. Be able to provide and support yourself. Take care of you and your relationship will certainly benefit.
I’ve been single nearly four years and don’t always love it. But the way I’ve made it okay is to focus on enjoying my freedom. If I want to drop everything and go away for the weekend, I can. Equally, if I want to spend all weekend watching movies and eating junk, I can. And when I’m ready to really love myself and commit, I know I’ll find someone, I just need to work on myself first.
The best relationship advice I have ever received was from my husband. When we were newly engaged, I was distraught that I had to wait more than 6 months for our wedding. 19-year-old me argued that every normal couple gets married within a year of the proposal. My man looked me right in the eye, took my hand in his, and calmly said – “When have we ever been ‘normal?’ Being different is what makes us the best couple.” After a 3-year engagement, we had the most spectacular destination wedding, and almost two years later, our adventures haven’t stopped! Our advice: Don’t follow the crowd! Do relationships in a way that works for both you and your S.O. and don’t rely on the ‘popular route’ to get you to your destination.
The best advice I’ve ever gotten came quite unexpectedly, when I had just ended my four year relationship. The simple words of “You have to learn how to be happy on your own, before you can be happy with someone else” gave me a comforting feeling and were the beginning of a shift in my thinking about relationships. There I set a goal to stay single for a year – no matter what – and to date I’m happily single for two years. Learning how to be single, is in my opinion, the most important thing you need to prepare for a future relationship, and your single time will give you the opportunity to grow so much as a person, without anyone else getting in the way of that. Therefore, if you are newly single – and are perhaps a person who seems to start a new relationship very quickly after ending the last one, over and over again – I encourage you to simply be single, for a year. Commit to yourself, make it your year and be the best version of yourself. Because the happier and more amazing you become, the happier and more amazing partner you will attract.