Food & Recipes

Bad Yogi Chef: Mardi Gras Grapes

You manage to burn microwavable macaroni. You think baking soda and baking powder are the same thing. You don’t know how to use your oven’s kitchen timer (and even if you did, you’d forget about it and burn your dinner while you take a long bubble bath).

You’re reading this because you’re a Bad Yogi. You’re relating to this because you’re a bad chef. And you’re not alone. This idea came to me because when I first started learning how to cook, any recipe that had more than 3-5 ingredients was just too labor-intensive for me to even think about attempting. I actually remember telling a friend, “If the instructions tell me to ‘zest’ anything, then it’s too high maintenance of a recipe.” Another friend of mine called me while I was at work one day to ask me what a “cookie sheet” was. “Is it like a baking pan that you can only bake cookies on?”

I’m here to bring you the easiest fool-proof recipes I’ve found (in my extremely limited culinary career). None of them will have more than 5 ingredients. None of them are going to ask you to “zest” anything. But all of them will fool anyone who doesn’t know any better that you do, in fact, know how to handle yourself in a kitchen.

Today: Mardi Gras Grapes

I had to go to a Christmas party and bring a side dish. “Something sweet,” they said. Don’t tell me the night before your party that I have to bring something to eat. Don’t you know I need at least 36 hours to stress and pour over “easy desserts” on Pinterest?! I ran into my friend’s mom while out Christmas shopping, and she (mercifully) gave me this recipe. It’s supposed to chill over night in the fridge, but I imagine if you only had a few hours to chill this it’d work out fine. I’m calling them Mardi Gras Grapes because I’m from Louisiana and Mardi Gras is NEXT TUESDAY. You got green; you got purple; you got the fun confetti-like pecans all over the place… this is so ready for a party (like maybe an upcoming Superbowl party… just throwing out ideas… like beads in a parade… OK I’m done)!

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What You’ll Need

  • Medium-large mixing bowl
  • Big spoon
  • Colander

Ingredients

  • 3-4 lbs of grapes
  • 1 cup (8 oz) of full fat plain Greek yogurt
  • 1 cup of brown sugar
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla or almond extract
  • 1 cup of chopped pecans (optional)

Instructions

(You’ll laugh at how stupid easy this is.)

1.   Take all the grapes off the stem and rinse them in the colander.

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Ok, this is totally my speed. Easy.

2.   In the mixing bowl, throw in the brown sugar, Greek yogurt, and vanilla/almond extract. Mix it up while the grapes are drying.

SBS

Alright, so far it’s not so bad.

3.   Finally, dump the grapes in the mixing bowl. Mix it all up. If you want to throw in the pecans, do it now. Get it all pretty.

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That’s it?

Yup. That’s it. And it’s good. And you can’t mess it up.

Over to you… any other Bad Chefs in the club (Bad Yogi Club, that is)? Got a funny cooking blunder you want to come clean about? Share in the comments below!

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8 Comments

  1. Avatar

    Erin Motz

    February 3, 2016 at 5:23 am

    how have i never heard of these?!

  2. Avatar

    Tarin

    February 5, 2016 at 5:54 pm

    Sounds delicious, I will have to try some! I also consider myself a “Bad Chef” although I am getting slightly better. I’ve upgraded from 3-5 ingredients to 5-7 ingredients ?

  3. Avatar

    Lisa

    February 7, 2016 at 10:22 am

    I was a bad chef, but iver the years I’ve gotten better. My best tip is this: really pay attention to the amounts for the ingredients. 1/2 a cup of butter is NOT 2sticks. I totally ruined a meal by not paying close enough attention to the amount of butter needed. Glad there was a fast food restaurant close by our house!

    1. Chelsea

      Chelsea

      February 15, 2016 at 5:02 pm

      I bet it was terrific by Paula Deen’s standards! Perspective, baby! 😉

  4. Avatar

    Chloe

    February 7, 2016 at 11:19 am

    I have a minor (okay, major) bread obsession so I thought I would bake my own baguettes. Went through all the mixing, kneading, rising and finally it was time to put those bad boys in the oven. My bread bible suggested to use a “stream maker” which I didn’t know what that was, let alone have one, to keep the bread moist. (I’m sorry to those who don’t like the m word, I do like it because I always think of chocolate cake. Try that.) The alternative advice was to put ice cubes in a pan at the bottom of the oven as you put in the bread which will create steam. Looking at my available clean dishware, I quickly grabbed a clear glass casserole pan and thought nothing of it. I put the baguettes in the oven first, filled the dish with ice, threw it into the oven and well, clearly I forgot what I learned in seventh grade science class. Huge boom! Glass shattered! Broken glass everywhere! Thank goodness I put the bread in first though or else I would have seen the explosion a little too close for comfort. I had to take the bread out, turn off the oven, let it cool, vacuum the oven. It was a nightmare.

    So THE POINT: really cold glass does not do well when quickly warmed up.

    I’ve made bread since though, which I have to say, was pretty dang good.

    Happy Sunday Bad Yogis!!!

    1. Chelsea

      Chelsea

      February 7, 2016 at 12:01 pm

      This is hilarious! Very glad nobody was hurt!

    2. Avatar

      Erin Motz

      February 9, 2016 at 4:03 am

      OMG that is CRAZY!!! I think I would have been traumatized from that and never used the oven again, hahaha!

  5. Avatar

    Aly

    March 21, 2016 at 12:40 pm

    Oh my gosh! I am just dying reading this and all of the comments! THIS IS ME!! 🙂 Please more!!

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